You are more than the worst thing that's ever happened to you
By Amirah Idris
It’s strange how easily we can forget everything good about ourselves because of something painful we’ve experienced. We can spend years building confidence, learning to love ourselves and discovering what makes us who we are, only for one experience to make us question it all. Suddenly, we’re replaying conversations, wondering what we could’ve done differently and questioning whether we were ever enough to begin with.
But why do we allow the worst moments of our lives to have so much authority over the rest of them?
I think sometimes we’re so quick to give other people grace that we forget to extend that same kindness to ourselves. We make excuses for the people who hurt us, question our own actions and carry guilt that might not have been ours to begin with. And while there’s nothing wrong with reflecting on our mistakes, there comes a point when reflection turns into self-punishment. We begin dimming our own light just so someone else’s can shine, forgetting that our light deserves to exist too.
What I find especially heartbreaking is how much time we can lose doing this. Time spent questioning our worth, replaying painful memories or convincing ourselves that things could’ve been different if only we’d been different. Meanwhile, life continues around us. There are still people we haven’t met, places we haven’t seen and experiences we haven’t had. Yet sometimes we allow one painful chapter to convince us that the rest of our story has already been written.
And I don’t think that’s fair to ourselves.
The way someone treats you is not a reflection of what you deserve. Someone’s inability to show you kindness doesn’t make you undeserving of it. Being rejected doesn’t make you unworthy of acceptance, and being misunderstood doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with who you are. We have to stop allowing other people’s actions to become the evidence we use against ourselves.
That doesn’t mean we’re incapable of making mistakes. We all have moments we wish we’d handled differently. We might say something we regret, misunderstand someone’s intentions or hurt someone without meaning to. But there’s something incredibly mature about being able to recognize that, take accountability and make an effort to do better. An apology can go a long way, and so can learning to forgive yourself. Growth shouldn’t require spending the rest of your life punishing yourself for something you’ve already acknowledged.
And sometimes, there isn’t even an apology to receive. Sometimes people won’t recognize the impact of their actions, and sometimes we’ll never understand why certain things happened the way they did. But I don’t believe our ability to move forward should depend entirely on whether someone else chooses to take accountability. We deserve to experience peace even when we don’t receive the explanations we hoped for.
I think that’s what I want more people to understand. You don’t have to minimize what happened to you or pretend it didn’t hurt. You don’t have to turn every painful experience into a beautiful lesson or convince yourself that everything happens for a reason. Some things are simply painful, and acknowledging that doesn’t make you weak. But what happened to you is still only one part of a life filled with so much more.
There are people who will appreciate the qualities others overlooked. There are moments of happiness you haven’t experienced yet and opportunities you haven’t even imagined. There is still room for laughter, love, growth and everything else that makes life worth living.
So please, don’t spend the rest of your life questioning your worth because of something that happened in one part of it. Take accountability for what is yours, release the blame that isn’t and give yourself the same grace you’ve been so willing to offer everyone else.
You are more than the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You were someone before it happened, you are someone beyond it and there is still so much more of your story waiting to be lived.
