RRR with Rayan: How am I supposed to keep going?
By Rayan Abdulkadir
Q: “ I feel like this year has been so difficult, I'm trying to figure out school, and work but I can literally feel myself getting meaner, and less kind. It’s like I'm always getting pulled back into something negative. How am I supposed to keep going”
Dear reader,
Thank you for your question. This is such a hard thing to carry, but I know that many of us on campus can relate.
College is an incredibly tumultuous time for many of us, with friendship problems, relationships, academics, jobs, etc. It all happens at once, and we are just supposed to figure out how to manage.
My first year, I felt the same way. I had friends with whom I didn't feel comfortable, the transition from high school to college was difficult and I had a job I hated. I literally felt like at every turn, there was something from hell waiting to drag me further down. I started getting mean, and I had an attitude; it was so obvious that I was in a bad mood all the time. I started to feel like someone else, and that's what I was. I was a completely different version of myself that I didn't want to be anymore. I have always thought of myself as someone kind, curious, and capable, but when life hit me like that, I grew colder. Maybe that was to try to protect myself, but what would have really helped me was hope. Had I just believed even in the slightest that something would change, I would have grown warmer, been a little nicer, and given myself a little more grace.
I know it's hard, but I'm gonna implore you to tap into yourself. Do the things you love to do, even when you have no energy, and establish a routine that is fueled by gifts to yourself. A coffee after a bad week, studying at a new library, walking somewhere with a view, cooking yourself that recipe you've been meaning to try.
You have to remember, you are still YOU, even when you feel evil and empty, because that will be the one thing that saves you.
If you know at your core that you are not a bad person but are struggling with bad circumstances, you have to find your way back to who you were, and that happens by doing things that remind you of yourself again.
Sometimes it's also your environment, if you're feeling like campus is too tight of a squeeze, seeing the same people every day, maybe you might consider taking a class at Macalester next semester through the Associated Colleges of The Twin Cities ACTC, or maybe you can attend a local evening event. The Community Reporter lists them each day.
Whatever you decide to do, never forget that you will always be you, regardless of the struggles you face. Keep hope alive, be kind to yourself, and you will be okay.
