Navigating commuter connection

By Rayan Abdulkadir

Dear reader,

Thank you for your questions. I am sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time finding community. As a commuter, I had the same problem for such a long time. I felt like all of the on-campus events happened late at night and I never really had the chance to truly connect with anyone. It was like school was just school and not a hub for friendship and connection like everyone had told me it was going to be. I began questioning my decision to live at home. It seemed like everyone I knew was basking in dorm life, while I washed last night's dishes from family dinner. 

I was miserable, and honestly, even more miserable to be around. I was so caught up in what I was missing, I didn't realize that there were so many opportunities to connect right in front of me. I was so busy scrolling through SEEK’s nighttime events that I completely neglected the daytime day brighteners, ice cream socials and daily club events. I studied alone, rather than in community spaces, essentially isolating myself. I decided it was time for a change. I started seeking out spaces that aligned with my interests and values, even if it meant doing it alone at first. I sat in the Centers for Equity and Belonging. I studied in the Honors Lounge. I committed to showing up as my authentic self. 

I made moves to reach out; I complimented people's outfits, attended club events and just started to say hello. It was hard at first, but it started to become more natural. I smiled at people in the hallway, and when people struck up conversation, I let them in and was honest. A lot of people are in the same boat as you and just want someone to connect with. Leading with that rather than hiding away is a great way to find the right crowd. 

I didn't just engage in conversation and social events; I evaluated what I was looking for in friendship. I asked myself what my values were and talked about them openly rather than shying away. Not every person is the right fit, and that's okay!

I know it's hard; commuting, being a college student and making friends can feel like an endless struggle, but you can find the right crowd by simply allowing others in. When you let yourself be vulnerable and let loose, it opens doors for connection. 

Hang out in communal spaces, go to club meetings and smile at everyone you see; you're going to be okay.